When the moon is in the seventh house,and Jupiter aligns with Mars,and Uranus aligns with the toilet bowl,love will guide the stars.This is the dawning of the age of Aq....screw this !
Remember the 70's? Well chances are if you do,you were a major downer.
It was an era of peace,love,tuning in,dropping out,giving it to the man,and just being.
People were seeking guidance and looking to the stars.Astrology has been around since time began,but people were really making it popular,and really digging what it was all bout.
Below is the type of astrologer's writings,I would of loved,to have seen back then.I'm sure it would of harshed their mellows,and would of had them saying,"Whoa man !".
Aries Mar.21-Apr.19 You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered,impatient,and scornful of advice.You are a pain in the neck.
Taurus Apr.20-May 20 You are practical and persistent.You have a dogged determination and work like hell.Most people think you are stubborn and pigheaded.You are a nothing more than a damn communist.
Gemini May 21-June 20 You are a quick and intelligent thinker.Most people like you because you are bisexual.However,you are inclined to expect too much for too little.In other words,you are cheap bastard.Geminis are known for committing random acts of incest.
Cancer June 21-July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems.They think you are a sucker.You are always putting things off;that's why you'll never make anything of yourself.Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.
Leo July 23-Aug.22 You consider yourself a born leader.Others think you are just pushy.Most Leos are bullies.You are vain and dislike honest criticism.Your arrogance is disgusting.Leo people are thieves.
Virgo Aug.23-Sept.22 You are the logical type and hate disorder.This nit-picking is sickening to all your friends and family.You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love.Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra Sept.23-Oct.21 You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay.Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent.Most Libra women are good prostitutes.All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio Oct.22-Nov.21 You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.Most Scorpios are murdered for screwing people over.
Sagittarius Nov.22-Dec.21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic.You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck, since you lack talent.The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dopers. People laugh at you a great deal.
Capricorn Dec.22-Jan.19 You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.You don't do much of anything;your lazy.There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long,as they take root and become trees.
Aquarius Jan.20-Feb.18 You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.You lie a great deal.On the other hand,you are inclined to be careless and impractical,causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again.People think you are stupid.
Pisces Feb.19-Mar.20 You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI.You have a minor influence over your associates,and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a wuss.Pisces people do terrible things to small animals.
Being a piglebrity,I travel quite a bit.When I want to rest my wings,I book a first class flight,on one of my commercial airplanes.I own a fleet of the suckers,so I may as well use them,from time to time. On one of these trips,I was seated next to an elderly woman.Now she was looking for some conversation,but wasn't starting it in the typical way.She didn't discuss the weather,politics,sports,or anything typical of a an ordinary conversation.No,she had a riddle for me. I was sleeping,and awakened to her bony elbow jabbing me in the ribs,and her asking,"Young man,if a plane crashes on the Canadian and American border,where would they bury the survivors?".Like I said,I was sleeping,and awoken to this old hag,who looked like death,asking me that question.Talk about a scary awakening! I was bout ready to jump out of the emergency exit,and fly away. She nails me again,with her bony old elbow,and asks again,"Young man,if a plane crashes on the Canadian and American border,where would they bury the survivors?".She then says,"Two hundred of the survivors are Canadian,and another two hundred of the survivors are American,where would you bury the survivors?".
So I reply,that I would bury them in Canada.She replies with laughter in her voice,"Sonny,you don't bury survivors".
I then reply,"Lady,you don't know me,you don't know me at all,I would most definetly bury the survivors,starting with you !".
Once there were 3 little pigs that lived together in harmony with their environment.Using materials that were natural and from the surrounding area,each of them built a beautiful home.One built a house of straw, another a house of sticks, and one a house of pig poop, clay and vines shaped into bricks and baked in a small kiln. When they were finished, the pigs were satisfied with their results.Happy with themselves,they were going to lead peaceful and productive lives.
Then the pigs,saw Wolfie,and they ran into the house of straw. The wolf ran up to the house and banged on the door, shouting,"Little pigs,little pigs,let me in!"
The pigs shouted back,"Your gun waving tactics don’t scare us pigs, defending our homes and culture."
ButWolfie wasn'tgoing to be denied what he thought was his rightful meal. So he huffed and puffed like a mother trucker,and blew down the house of straw.The frightened pigs ran to the house of sticks next.The wolf followed in hot pursuit.Where the straw house had stood,other wolves bought up the land and started a clothing manufacturering sweatshop.
At the house of sticks,the wolf again pounded on the door and shouted,"Little, pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
The pigs shouted back,"Go to hell,you carnivorous,capitalistic wolf!"
The wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks.The pigs ran to the house of bricks,with the wolf once again in hot pursuit. Where the house of sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for vacationing elderly wolves.
At the house of bricks,the wolf pounded on the door and shouted, "Little pigs, little pigs,let me in!"
This time in response,the pigs sang,"We are the world”, and wrote letters of protest to the United Nations.
By now the wolf was getting pissed at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from his point of view. So he huffed and puffed,and huffed and puffed some more,then grabbed his chest and dropped dead from a massive heart attack.
Smoking,drinking, and fast-foods contributed to his untimely demise.
The three little pigs celebrated that justice triumphed over evil. They did a little victory dance around the body of the wolf.Their next step was to free their homeland.They gathered together a band of rogue pigs who had been evicted from their homes and land.
This new brigade ofrebel pigs attacked the resort complex with machine-guns,butcher knives,and rocket launchers.They slaughtered the cruel wolf oppressors,sending a clear message to the rest of the wolves not to mess with them.
Then the pigs set up an elected democracy with free education, universal health care and affordable housing for everyone.(Please note: It is a fairy tale after all.)
* This story is a metaphor,and a bad one at that.No actual wolves were harmed in the writing of this story.I need to get out more.~ Piggy ~
Truth in humor Another helpful guideline can be found in the book “Piggy's Truth in Comedy,” written by myself the master of comedy.The main focus is what makes something funny (a story, a performance, etc.) is that there’s truth behind it. Think about the funniest stories you have heard. They’re all true stories from your life or someone else’s.There may be some elaborations, but mostly it’s truthful reactions and responses tapped by the author or performer that makes it funny. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to being funny, as well as entertaining. The truth, and comedy,should be like a good crap.It should come out easy with no straining, because trying to force it, leaves you with hemorrhoids and blood in your poop.Except if you strain or try too hard in humor,you’ll find there’s not only blood in your poop,but everyone can see it and know that you’re not funny. And that’s not a problem that fiber supplements or Preparation H can easily mend.
Lies in humor So if there is truth in humor and humor in truth, what about lies? Logic would seem to say that lies are not funny.That’s wrong. Lies can be hilarious. A priest, a rabbi, and the Dali Llama never went sailing together. The movie “Blazing Saddles” is not a documentary or based on any true story.And the Polish Navy has never made a submarine with screen windows. Interesting stuff,right? Not really, because humor is not a science. It doesn’t have to adhere by the laws of physics or thermodynamics. And it only has to have a passing semblance of logic or truth. How can the truth and lies be funny? Ask yourself which lies are the most effective? If you said “what are the lies that sound a lot like the truth?” then you’re right and can pick again from the Jeopardy board. Let’s look at my Space, Piggy's Playhouse. It indicates that I'm a flying pig.So right off the bat,I’m telling you I’m lying,but I’m being honest about it.And while I might not actually have an Amish owner,imported mud from Italy, there are specks of truth in those stories that keep it accessible for you,my friends.Those specks would be pure crap.I’m being honestly dishonest.How is that for an oxymoron?
Entertainment is Key For the most part,the truth is funny.But,lies in the semblance of a truth can be just as funny. This is not written in stone, just a helpful hint, and your experience may differ depending on how versed you are at being funny or a liar. Maybe everything I just wrote is pure crap and a lie. Could be,but you did enjoy it anyway, right? And I’ve managed to stick to the “Be Funny” rule, which is the only rule that matters. Next time, I’ll blog whether or not unfunny people are more likely to contract a dysfunctional bowel or turn into a frog,a pig,or Tea Room owner.The answer may just surprise you.
In Conclusion Hope this makes everything as clear as the mud,I wallow in.
The tag is posting 8 personal things about yourself.Each person posts this rule before their list,then lists 8 things about themselves.At the end of the post, that person tags and links to 8 other people,They then visit those peoples' spaces and advises them that they have been tagged,and to come and read the post,so they know what to do.
Originally when I was tagged by Al and Luvlinks,was going to make this a humor post.Now have decided to do otherwise.Oh,and call of Frogget would ya ! Sheesh.
1.Strongly oppose violence against women,and children.Have been incarcerated as a result of how strongly I oppose it.
2.Strongly and vehemently dislike all members of law enforcement as a result of them not protecting my children and being incarcerated as a result.How much do I dislike the police? If I were to find out one of my friends was a cop on Spaces,I would unfriend them on the spot.When I hear of a cop passing away in the line of duty,or some other circumstance,I couldn't care less,and feel nothing for them.Police who have shown up at my door for promoting awareness,an event etc..have had my door closed on them.
3.My second language is english.My mother tongue is french.My parents had me educated in the english system,so I would have the benefit of two languages.I'm also able to converse in Spanish,as well as some Polish.I love languages.
4.I'm loyal to my friends,as well as my friends on Spaces.Spaces is not about me getting 4OOO bazillion people,on my friends' list,the same is true outside of Spaces.I look for the quality of friendship,not quantity.If I don't like someone,I will tell them straight to their face.
5.On my second marriage,and happily so.This woman rocks my world in every sense of the world.She is my confidant,my best friend,lover,keeps me in line,and not afraid to stand up to me.Oh,and she rocks my world !!!!
6.This is not my first Space I have penned.Have had many prior to this one.When I started Piggy's Playhouse,got a kick out of it.At this point and time,think it's a pile of crap,and getting stale.Will see what the future holds for Piggy in the weeks to come.
7.Survived an accident which should have left me handicapped for life.Was told I would live pain free,but never walk again.The doctors were wrong,I walked again.However the pain is always with me.I accept that trade off.
8.Most people,that meet me are in awe of my size.I am by no means a small man.Children and the elderly see me as being something of a superman.I have used my size,to my own avantage.To keep people I don't care for at bay,and those that I do care for protected.
Well that's my eight facts about me.Who am I going to tag ?!? Nobody ! Why ?!? Fact number 9,I play by the rules when I want to,not because I'm told to.
Had Piggy replied to this tag,the answers would of been as follows:
1.I love me,who do you love?
2.Stop sending me pics as gifts,I'm old fashioned,send me money instead.
3.Gee,how do they put the caramel into the chocolate.
4.Hmm,penicillen,maybe that would work.
5.Steve,I thought she was your sister,I didn't know you guys were married.
6.Golly,with all these pics I'm getting,going to fire up the ole printer,and wallpaper the barn.
7.Wow,that was really thought provoking.Hope you didn't hurt yourself on my account.
It was 1979, my thoughts were short my hair was long.Caught somewhere between a piglet and boar.The sow was seventeen and she was far from in-between.It was summertime in Eastern Quebec. Mon Dieu, la conversation d'une tangente. Sniff,sniff,you guys are all too kind.Sniff,sniff,...visiting me and leaving me kind comments,when I wasn't well.You guys are going to make my heads swell.Oops,my bad,that was one of my hooves touching my nasty tingly part.Hmmm,kinda like it though.Really you guys are way too good to me.Damn,tears are rolling from my eyes,straight down my cheeks.Bloody farmer,put onions in my trough again!
Here's a quick poem I wrote about myself:
I love myself ! I think I'm grand ! At a film,I hold my own hand ! With my arm,‘round my own waist ! When I'm fresh,I slap my own face !
People think I'm shallow,and all I think about is myself.So what?!? What's wrong with that ?!? You ever see a a pig start a war,no you haven't! You wanna know why?It's due to self love,and it's based on the principle of this poem:
War is silly, whack your willy. War's no joke, stop and stroke! Abuse your middle piece, not the Middle East.War is out, pound your trout.Touch your sack, not Iraq. My bush doesn't declare war, Rub your snake for peace's sake. War is unpleasant, tickle your pheasant.Give your Bush the finger! Fire your Peter, not your 8 millimeter.Wank, Spank, Stop that tank.War is dumb, beat yourself numb,Peace is the goal, stroke your pole.Peace: a stroke of genius. We won't reach peace until you release,three times a day keeps war at bay.Ban war,jerk some more. Don't be Bush's flunky, spank your monkey.War is evil, wank your weasel. War's funky, spank your monkey.There's no time for war if you yank 'til you're sore.Save our nation through mastur....Don't send troops to die, give self love a try. War can wait,war is fickle, tickle your pickle.No military rank comes close to a wank.Solve global issues with a tissue.War's no joke, stop and stroke!
To all of you,who have nominated me at Spaces Hall Of Fame,for "Most Original",and "Most Humorous",I thank you for your support.Aww,crap! I had a sincere moment,hope that isn't going to be a regular occurence.
Inhales deeply on cigarette,opens up laptop,exhales smoke slowly. Pushes power button,waits for password prompt.Enters the administrator's password:Piggerific1. Waits for cpu process to run,launches Piggle,chooses Live Sign In favorite, enters password:ILOVEME! Copies template of table used on his space.Thinks of what to blog about,rubs face,takes another drag,exhales slowly, scratches butt,takes another deep drag from cigarette.Makes mental note that his cigarette tastes like crap, or perhaps he should wipe his arse better.Oh great keypad,now smells like crap.Big deal,he's a pig,what does he care. That which is arrogance,and conceit,has returned to Spaces,and so the saga continues.......
Oh my goodness ! A blog chez Piggy without a pig picture.I know ! This is almost as historical as the birth of moi,or the birth of my country I call home. This will be a day of celebration,with great music,fine food,some beverages of an alcoholic nature,plenty of fireworks,and some mighty,mighty fine women. At least that's what will be happening in my bedroom,what about yours ?
Seeing as none of us are getting younger,I have developed a few games to play when we get older. Thanks to me we have something to look forward to. Here are a few games that I have already developed:
Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.It has no awareness of merit or demerit; it has no scale... Love loves; this is its nature. To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.It is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. It's true that love doesn't make the world go round,but love makes the ride worthwhile. In the final analysis, love is the only reflection of man's worth. Maybe love is a lot like luck. You have to go all the way to find it.Love one another,for the sake of love itself.
I'm currently out at a job interview,I won't reply If I get the job,and get out of this office from hell.
I'm not really out of the office, just ignoring you, get the point moron !!!
Your receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office.If I was at the office, chances are you wouldn't have received anything from me at all.
Sorry that I missed your email.I'm presently at the doctors having my brain removed, so I may converse with you as an equal.
I won't be able to delete all the unread, worthless emails you sent me until I return from vacation.Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Thanks you for your email.Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words,and $1.99 for each additional word of your message.
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to receive your message.Please restart your computer and try sending again.
I'm not in right now,your e-mail has been deleted,and so will all others.
Thank you for your message, which has been added to my queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply when Hades freezes over.
Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
Thanks for your email,Rusty will reply on my behalf,upon her return.
Being a piglebrity,I'm used to it.I'm stalked on a regular basis by the likes of Terry,Rusty,and Princess Frogget.This doesn't trouble me,as they are your everyday fleshies,who are in awe of my magnificence. Now I'm being stalked by a celebrity,a convicted hardcore criminal.I'm being stalked by Martha Stewart.You think,I'm imagining this,and being paranoid?!?Well,here is the evidence:
I'm getting threatening letters made from letters cut out of magazines with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, same font, and accurately lined up in razor-sharp rows.
I'm finding a lemon slice in my water trough.
On her TV show she made a gingerbread pigpen that looks exactly like mine,right down to the imported mud from Italy, made of chocolate syrup.
The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows me,even after I've gone for a dump in the corner of my pen.
Twice this week I've been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
No matter what I eat now,I'm finding place settings that includes an oyster fork.
I woke up in an animal shelter with a concussion and endive stuffed in all of my orifices.That I kinda get off on.
I wake up in the evening hearing the words,"Porkchops,now that's a good thing."
You tell me,does this sound like an overactive imagination?I think not!
The Voice:"Go get 'em buddy,blog y'er pink a$$ off."
And so the saga continues...
Well,well,well..Would like to say that you fleshies are bustin' my gnads,but the vet got thoses jewels a few months back. The fleshie who does this Space,got another Space up and going,and it was quite awesome.Get this,he decided to turf it.The ole geezer decided,if you Spacers,and Spacerettes can tolerate the "Pigster",then Piggy will stay. Ha,I'm invincible,the guy who does this Space can't get rid of me! Oh,the irony,must admit,I kinda love it. So my trip to the slaughterhouse has been delayed indefinetly.I'm staying. To all of you,who wanted me to stay,got one thing to say,"Get a life !" What,you were expecting something sentimental,and wishy washy.Gotta love me !
Piggy:"Hey buddy!"
The Voice:"Yes Piggy?"
Piggy:"Why you go and castrate me in this blog?"
The Voice:"Decided to take a pound of flesh,both figuratively,and literally"
Piggy:"Thanks,...oh and did I forget to mention that you suck!"
The Voice:"Love you too,welcome back,now go play with your friends."
And when I reach the other side I'll find a place to rest Piggy's spirit if I can.
Perhaps I may become a human being once again. Or I may simply become a tiny droplet of rain.
But on Live Spaces I'll remain And yes,dear friends I'll be back again......
Piggy:"It's time isn't it?"
The Voice:"Yes it is."
Piggy:"Will it hurt?"
The Voice:"No Piggy,I promise it won't."
Piggy:"What about our friends?"
The Voice:"We,..I mean I'll still see them."
Piggy:"It was fun wasn't it?"
The Voice:"Hell,yeah!"
Piggy:"I can't say it."
The Voice:"Okay,I'll say it then."
Piggy:"On second thought,since it will be my final words,let me....."
"Thazz All Folks !"
The Voice:"I love you Piggy."
Piggy:(No reply / Piggy ceases to be )
Voices
If you could see my mind, if you really look deep, then maybe you'll find That somewhere there will be a place, hidden behind my comedian face
You will find somewhere there's a house, and inside that house there's a room Locked in the room in the corner you see A voice is waiting for me, to set it free, I got the key, I got the key
Voices, I hear voices
In my head the voice is waiting, waiting for me to set it free I locked it inside my imagination, but I'm the one who's got the combination Some people didn't like what the voice did say So I took the voice and I locked it away, I got the key, I got the key
Voices, I hear voices, voices, I hear voices
Chorus: Don't look back, look straight ahead, don't turn away, then the voice it said Don't look back, yesterday's gone, don't turn away, you can take it on
Piggy's Playhouse,is pleased to announce the "Thazz Not All",novelty t-shirt.Available in sizes S,M,L,XL,XXL,and XXXL. The cost per shirt is $29.99 CDN./19.65 USD.Shipments will be delivered C.O.D via Priority Post. Proceeds of the sales will be donated to farsighted aboriginal pygmies of the "Ubelieveme" tribe. Future products for sale will be The CN Tower,The Washington Monument,The Golden Gate Bridge,The Great Wall Of China,and Big Ben,just to name a few. Quantities are limited,and due to possible prosecution,time is limited as well. Con men,...oops,I mean operators are standing by.Get yours now!
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